This sucks. How something this good could suck didn’t make sense though. But whenever memorable things like this had gone from a seed to a sprout to a full blossoming flower this rapidly, Matt knew he was in trouble.
This doesn’t suck. For a flower to emerge out of a tiny seed was as miraculous as a child being created from a man and a woman. Imagine all the seeds that never became flowers. Like most of us Matt was reminded of a handful of events in his life that had he acted differently at the time, would have changed his life. This was fast becoming one of those events.
“I’m screwed. I don’t have anyone to talk to about this,” Matt thought out loud. Just saying that made his stomach do another flip. This was not something Rolaids could cure. And the lively, internal dialogue he had with himself in his head would have made anyone who he chose to share this with, certainly run for cover.
“So I can’t share this with anyone. Probably wouldn’t like what they had to say anyway and can’t talk to her.”
But wait a minute. Amy had talked to him. Just because she used fewer words to say what took Matt pages to say didn’t diminish what she did say when she spoke. Matt had just missed it.
Of all the people Matt could have recruited to help him with this there was only one person who could give him the relief that would make everything okay. It was Amy. And she had already done it.
Matt thought back to all the people in his life who had offered him advice. Some of it was wanted. A lot of it was not.
There was always only one person who had the answer Matt had to hear. No team of doctors, therapists, friends nor family ever had the right key that would open the door to the answer he would listen to. Whether or not Matt got the answer he always wanted to hear, he knew only one person had that key.
”Okay, here’s what I said…and then she said…”
Carole interrupted Matt, “It’s obvious she likes you.” Later Matt would find out Carole was wrong. At 16 relationships come and gone, no encouragement from Carole would prevent Matt’s eventual breakup with a high school sweetheart. Only one person could have prevented it and she was already gone.
“Carole, I feel like this is such a waste of time. The very person who caused this is not even here.” Matt was making the revelation that most people make at one point in therapy. The one person who has all the answers, the one person who can fix it, is so glaringly absent.
Matt knew from experience that only one person has the answers that will make us smile, that will make us cry. When that one person speaks we listen. When others speak for them or when we speak for them, it’s what we hope they would say.
“So what had Amy said?” Matt asked himself. Supposedly he cherished everything she said. They had known each other for only two short months but he could remember so much that she had said. Two months seemed like so much more time. When you’re happy, time slows down.
“Chill out.” That’s it? That’s the answer we’ve all been waiting for? As usual Matt was trying to get a consensus of opinions from all those he dialogued with in his head.
“Chill out.” Hardly advice that will appear in a convincing self-help book. Not words of wisdom that will get you invited to Oprah or Dr. Phil. “No,” he thought, “it’s not those two words that matter. It’s who says them.” Only one person could give those words any credibility- Amy. There were other suggestions embedded in those two words and he knew what they were. But only one person had the key. Only one person had the answer. She could have said anything. It was easy for Matt to ramble on and on. Not so easy for Amy to do the same. But she didn’t lie when she spoke.
Matt knew Amy wasn’t running away. But what was happening between them would not always be easy. But he knew one thing- only one person had the answer to his questions and that was Amy. And as long as she was speaking to him he would listen.
“It’s not as bad as it looks,” Carole offered. But just as soon as she had said those words she saw from the look on Matt’s face that he wasn’t buying it.
“That’s the best you can do and you’re my therapist?” he sarcastically answered.